for Mrs Hsg : Is there a language for the past, the loss of self?
An alphabet for desires we once had? The memories?
Can you teach me once again the rhythm and the beat,
The meter of the poetry that taught my flesh & mind
To learn the verbs and tenses of experience and knowledge?
And what of those nouns? The names of things, the faces
Of all those precious souls I’ve lost among the neurons of my fading world?
I used to hold so dear these complicated notions and ideas,
I have forgotten them, and each day sends me after other words
I’ve lost among the spaces of my past like travels
In a world of myth or truth I once shared but now are gone for good; as if
I were a quester after strange days of my former life
That’s now become impossible; a mystery, a novel of desire & romance
I wish I could remember now, or piece together, stitch up
In this blanket that I’m knitting for…
I forget for whom I’m making this.
My mind’s in apathy, or, am I just forgetful
Of that human want and need for memory of who or what I am?
I keep forgetting who I am, am I a victim of a marginal affliction,
Else do I have some awful thing inside me eating up my memories?
So tell my Doc can you give me back my life?
I seem to have misplaced my thoughts among these photo albums.
I see these faces, but I don’t recognize them or their captions.
I know I should, this man, a stranger sitting beside me, tells me he’s my husband,
But I’ve never known this gentleman, and to tell the truth I find it distressing
And a little scary. Should I tell him I’d rather be alone just now,
Or should I play along and let him think I understand him?
Tell me, Doc I forget just who I am, and all these kind strangers around me, too. Apathy, yes, yes… I am numb and feel nothing one way or the other.
Can you help me, Doc, before I forget?
“Who am I, again?”
– Steven Craig Hickman ©2014 Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author is strictly prohibited.
Notes: Mrs Hsg has a wonderful blog, Before I forget?, about her struggle with Alzheimer’s and its devastation, which many people face. Of course she is only at the onset of this dread disease that the scientists who study such things still know so little about. I’ve been reading her posts as well as reading the information on the alz.org site: Alzheimer’s is a type of dementia that causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior. Symptoms usually develop slowly and get worse over time, becoming severe enough to interfere with daily tasks. (Source:http://darkecologies.com/2014/09/07/lost-time-memory/)